What is lacking, part 1

Perhaps the biggest shock of the missions life for me has been in the area of relationships. I had expectations coming in of a “Band of Brothers”-like experience. After all, we’d be working along side of men and women here with similar passions and giftings, working towards the same goals, and we’d be relying on and needing each other for everything. I’d heard from other missionaries that “you’ll make the closest relationships you’ll ever make on the mission field.”

I know, I know. Pretty lofty expectations. And those expectations have made the reality of life here even more difficult.

The reality is there are about a hundred great men and women here who pour themselves into their various ministries. And when they get time off, they enjoy time with their families or with visitors from North America. Finally, when the pie chart of time is divvied out, the one area that seems to be absent or miniscule is that of adult relationships. It also seems like the time spent on peer interactions among missionaries gets shared among so many great people (one week we’ll visit with Family X and the next with Family Y) that it’s hard to form deeper bonds with any particular person/people.

At least, this has been my experience.

The one saving grace, for me, has been the length of my stay in Africa. A lot of people are here for a month or two, or maybe even a year or two, and then are gone. With the limited amount of time to forge relationships in general, trying to create something meaningful and lasting with these people is a frustrating endeavor. However, since my wife and I are “career” missionaries, we’ve had almost four years now to get to know other career missionaries.

The benefits of longer relationships are obvious. But in this context, there is one deeper blessing.

Transitions and loss are a constant way of life here. People are coming and going almost on a daily basis, and when you compound that steady emotional turmoil with the pressures of living in a cross-cultural setting, the burden is huge. One main saving grace is that we have some brothers and sisters here who are committed to this school and its purposes and (tangentially) to us and our friendships. We have others who are planning and hoping on being here for decades, and without those friends—even though we’re not extremely close—I’m not sure how I’d hold up.

Tomorrow, part two.